That's Entertainment
I've been told by my friend B- to do something productive and entertaining, like write a blog post. Since I fully ignored her request last night, I'll do it just for her right now. But because I can't think of anything specific in my life about which to muse, I'll write this for her:
EXT. SOUNDSTAGE OF A 1930'S HOLLYWOOD SET WITH ITALIANATE TOUCHES AND A FILM SCREEN AT THE TOP.
A preshow of Old Hollywood images fades as cool
lights rise in pools on the soundstage as stagehands, makeup and
costume attendants hurriedly prepare actors readying for a scene
shoot. In the middle of this enters THE DIRECTOR, dressed in true
Cecil B. DeMille/John Ford fashion with riding boots, ascot and
megaphone, giving final direction to the actors.
THE DIRECTOR:
Even as a flattering dream or worthless fancy.
Then take it up and manage well the jest.
It will be pastime passing excellent,
If it be husbanded with modesty.
You are a lord. and there is such a lady.
You do not dream. Nor have you dream'd till now.
You do not sleep: You see, You hear, You speak;
Yoou smell sweet savours and you feel soft things.
Marry, I will, let them play it. Well, we'll see it.
The actors are in places as THE DIRECTOR takes his director's chair in the first row of the audience and cries "Action!".
The
lights BLACK OUT as the screen above alights with the black and white
images of a film countdown and then a close up camera shot of a tabloid
being held by an unseen person. The tabloid's splashy headline and
photo is about actress Katherina's latest public scandal. The camera
dollies back and fades as the lights slowly come up to show LUCENTIO
and TRANIO on the stage. LUCENTIO is shown to be the man reading the
tabloid as TRANIO looks about.
LUCENTIO is obviously new to
town, a clean-cut, prepschool educated young man in a well tailored
business suit (very Cary Grant). The son of a film producer in "Pisa"
(read: New York), he has come to "Padua" (read: Hollywood) to learn
more about the industry. TRANIO is his faithful valet.
LUCENTIO
Tranio, since for the great desire I had
To see fair Padua, nursery of arts,
I am arrived for fruitful Lombardy,
The pleasant garden of great Italy;
And by my father's love and leave am arm'd
With his good will and thy good company,
My trusty servant, well approved in all,
Here let us breathe and haply institute
A course of learning and ingenious studies.
Tell me thy mind; for I have Pisa left
And am to Padua come, as he that leaves
A shallow plash to plunge him in the deep
And with satiety seeks to quench his thirst.
TRANIO
Mi perdonato, gentle master mine,
I am in all affected as yourself;
Glad that you thus continue your resolve
To suck the sweets of sweet philosophy.
Only, good master, while we do admire
This virtue and this moral discipline,
Let's be no stoics nor no stocks, I pray;
Music and poesy use to quicken you;
No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en:
In brief, sir, study what you most affect.
LUCENTIO
Gramercies, Tranio, well dost thou advise.
If, Biondello, thou wert come ashore,
We could at once put us in readiness,
And take a lodging fit to entertain
Such friends as time in Padua shall beget.
But stay a while: what company is this?
TRANIO
Master, some show to welcome us to town.
ENTER
BAPTISTA, KATHERINA, BIANCA, GREMIO AND HORTENSIO. KATHERINA naturally
stands apart as an established star and diva with an independent mode
of dress sharply contrasting her sister's ingenue conservatism. The
rest of the play's action will be informed by the idea that
BAPTISTA is a studio mogul, KATHERINA is an established, if unruly,
star of whom all her potential co-stars are terrified, and BIANCA is
the ingenue in development ready for her own limelight-- if it weren't
for the contracts insisting that KATHERINA be given first choice of all
roles. Into this mileau comes a variety of familiar Hollywood
archetypes (The Thin Man, the Buster Keaton/Charlie Chaplin, the
singing cowboy, the suave Fred Astaires, etc).
BAPTISTA
Gentlemen, importune me no farther,
For how I firmly am resolved you know;
That is, not bestow my youngest daughter
Before I have a husband for the elder:
If either of you both love Katharina,
Because I know you well and love you well,
Leave shall you have to court her at your pleasure.
GREMIO
[Aside] To cart her rather: she's too rough for me.
There, There, Hortensio, will you any wife?
KATHARINA
I pray you, sir, is it your will
To make a stale of me amongst these mates?
HORTENSIO
Mates, maid! how mean you that? no mates for you,
Unless you were of gentler, milder mould.
KATHARINA
I'faith, sir, you shall never need to fear:
I wis it is not half way to her heart;
But if it were, doubt not her care should be
To comb your noddle with a three-legg'd stool
And paint your face and use you like a fool.
HORTENSIA
From all such devils, good Lord deliver us!
GREMIO
And me too, good Lord!
TRANIO
Hush, master! here's some good pastime toward:
That wench is stark mad or wonderful froward.
LUCENTIO
But in the other's silence do I see
Maid's mild behavior and sobriety.
Peace, Tranio!
TRANIO
Well said, master; mum! and gaze your fill.
BAPTISTA
Gentlemen, that I may soon make good
What I have said, Bianca, get you in:
And let it not displease thee, good Bianca,
For I will love thee ne'er the less, my girl.
KATHARINA
A pretty peat! it is best
Put finger in the eye, an she knew why.
BIANCA
Sister, content you in my discontent.
Sir, to your pleasure humbly I subscribe:
My books and instruments shall be my company,
On them to took and practise by myself.
LUCENTIO
Hark, Tranio! thou may'st hear Minerva speak.
HORTENSIO
Signior Baptista, will you be so strange?
Sorry am I that our good will effects
Bianca's grief.
GREMIO
Why will you mew her up,
Signior Baptista, for this fiend of hell,
And make her bear the penance of her tongue?
BAPTISTA
Gentlemen, content ye; I am resolved:
Go in, Bianca:
Exit BIANCA
And for I know she taketh most delight
In music, instruments and poetry,
Schoolmasters will I keep within my house,
Fit to instruct her youth. If you, Hortensio,
Or Signior Gremio, you, know any such,
Prefer them hither; for to cunning men
I will be very kind, and liberal
To mine own children in good bringing up:
And so farewell. Katharina, you may stay;
For I have more to commune with Bianca.
Exit
KATHARINA
Why, and I trust I may go too, may I not? What,
shall I be appointed hours; as though, belike, I
knew not what to take and what to leave, ha?
Exit
GREMIO
You may go to the devil's dam: your gifts are so
good, here's none will hold you.
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