So, the biggest question issuing forth from my mom's lips in the last two days has been "Why does God want me to suffer so?"
And when she says "suffer", she means SUFFER. Not "Why does God make me put up with these little annoyances?" "Why does God inflict this obstacle upon me?" But suffer-- in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual sense. But primarily the physical
Last night at about 10 p.m., some symptoms came forward that were very similar to what occurred when her acute transverse myelitis presented itself the first three time-- which is what made her a paraplegic, raising her paraplegia higher in her spinal chord each time.
This time, though, since the damage to her spinal chord is slowly getting higher and higher, the pain and dysfunction occured in her breathing and in her heart operation. She literally thought she was going to die. And the thought crossed my mind, too.
And, the fact that the pain from transverse myelitis is almost entirely neurological, there is only so much a traditional opiate treatment can do. Opiates help manage her pain on a day to day basis, in conjunction with neurological meds originally intended for epilepsy and anxiety.
So, when the extreme pain of the spinal chord wigging out on her body comes along, most E.R. staff (who have never seen this before) don't understand why 8 mg of morphine isn't knocking her on her ass. Well, that's because only an antianxiety med (to help the nerve impulses slow down) and a corticosteroid (to slow the inflammation in the spine) will do ANYTHING.
I know this. But will they listen to me? No. I'm just the one who has watched the progression of this disease for six years. Observed closely the person who has lived with it everyday.
Anyway, she finally got some relief and what happens? This afternoon the same sort of neuropathy has presented in her left arm and she is, again, in extreme pain. Would the floor nurses in the hospital listen to what she had to say about her condition? No. They accused her of being drug seeking. Well, they would be seeking drugs, too, if they knew of the pain she suffers daily.
So now she is home, slightly more comfortable simply for the fact that we can use her regular antianxiety meds to her advantage to make the pain at least tolerable. And Monday, we will go to a larger hospital where her regular physician will be on duty.
But right now, she experiences nothing but suffering. . . in the "comfort" of her own bed .